New year is over. A bit late for a resolution. Well, it’s Chinese New Year now, so I guess it’s alright. But I’m not sure I’m going to write one. Let’s start with a review. What happened before 9? What happened last year? Lots of things I taught OOP, lead a team. Not many projects. I also know the feeling of lost, regrets. For the first time in my life I feel completely useless despite every effort I make. I always try to give the best, to protect everyone I care. Time proves I failed. I wish I could be a good brother, a son my parents can depend on, a leader my men can trust. For the first time in my life I bow down to God and ask what’s happening to me.
When I’m doing all I can and result says I haven’t done anything. I feel tired very tired. When I fail, will someone help me? When I can’t be the son my parent want me, when I can’t be a brother they can rely on, I know they’ll accept me. After all they’re my family. But who will help us then?
When a leader failed, when can he turn to? I’ve bleed. I’ve faced the pressure and got crushed. Where can I turn for help? In an environment where everyone’s job is in the line, can the spirit of altruism grow?
I’m not super, I’m not perfect. Still I do hope there’s a little bit of me that useful. I know what I like. My passion to help others is still strong. I like teaching, training people. I’m happy to share what I know and I don’t mind if a trainee surpasses me. Would that be enough though?
I don’t know. As with the rest of the world, I’m facing this year with a little hope. That things will turns out beautiful in time. I got my PR this year. It was something I dreamed years ago. Yet, I’m not ready. As odd as it may sound I still want to stay a bit longer. I’m still hoping for a second chance.
What will happen? Can I stay longer? Will I have to give up my hope? Or will I have to give up my dream? To be honest I don’t mind, I don’t want it that much anymore. But the path is not only mine to choose. This year, I rest it In Him to lead the way. Meanwhile there's a lot of things I wish to write.
- Quality we can never afford
- Failure we can never accept: Result vs Effort
- Software Quality vs Project Quality
I just hope I'll have the time to write them.
